I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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