why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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