dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
