Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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