So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
