i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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