I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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