So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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