I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
