I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
