i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
