drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
