Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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