Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
