just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
