There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
