I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
