I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dick very happy bro
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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