I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I look better un-naked...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
