There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
