can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize