I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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