I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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