He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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