Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
