no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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