thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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