Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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