he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
