Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
