This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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