drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize