Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
