just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
