the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
