go do what you do best...puke behind churches
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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