I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize