yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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