Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
