my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
