Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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