Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize