i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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