I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
