Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
