Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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