the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
