y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
