omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
