I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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