and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
