ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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