I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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