I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
