What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
