please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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