if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
