ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
