there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
