Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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