well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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