hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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