Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
