Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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