I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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