Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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