Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
