PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
