He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
