doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
