the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
