so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
