hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i barfeds in our rink
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
