we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize