Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
