i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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