She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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