we have pet lesbian snakes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
