I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
