I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
