My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He? As in you personified your dick?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
